Junely

Basically, I said a lot of insightful random shit during w.e it was i was doing in June/July and here, in a nutshell is a compilation of things i decided to share  with the world via FB. You may have been to busy doing things like having a job and newborn or finishing season 5 of Gilmore girls and killing that 2nd boxed wine, so here is a catch up for you that are going to hell for not following my feed religiously. 
**READ AND COMPLY**

   
Say "God should've pulled out. Merry Christmas! " to people in the Bible belt. Offended looks and bad service in your restaurant will follow.
 
Never thought id see a black guy, Mexican, and Asian in the same place in Arkansas unless I was at the police station. ( I was the aforementioned Mexican in this joke as i walked up to a table with an Asian and black dude, i feel as if I was the first Mexican they saw that wasn't behind a kitchen counter or blowing liter out of their Wallmart parking lot.)   

 I'm an incredibly prideful and stubborn person but sometimes it takes falling off your high horse to realize you were riding it the wrong way. ( thought of this after i saw a quote by Michalengleo saying " I am still learning" gay, I know; fuck off. its an awesome quote.) 

My old roommates cat "wood pattern cat" taught itself to pee in the toilet. Definitely in the top 5 of most amazing things I've ever seen. It was like month 3 that we had been living together that i discovered this. Until I saw literal proof i actually thought that A) I was sleep pissing and being a dick and not flushing. or B) She was using my toilet and to establish dominance was not flushing the toilet.

 I discovered My dog has a star on her tail. That's what I did today.

I'm not sure what would make me happier, chips>air in a bag or if USB plugs plugged in both ways. Figured it out, If after eating a 4.70$ bag of chips and still being hungry, nothing would please me more than to dragon kick that packaging dude in the sternum.

    How do you like your dog?-Brandon Maddox (My response, "barking")

I'm not sure what frustrates me more, trying to find the right Tupperware lid for 5 minutes(and not finding it) or receiving requests to play random FB games.

It would appear that I missed a spot when applying sunscreen.
      

The time says 3 o'clock but my heart says beer o'clock.

If you're a man and believe a woman is going to be ready in "20 minutes" ...you're gonna have a bad time.

Everyone's eggers is preggers or posting pics of their kids and I'm just like "check out the FB page I Made for my dogs SonyaandSierra Valencia"

yes, I did indeed bring penny the pinata with us for cinco de mayo. The waiters viewed her as their god.